Comedic Monologue about a guy trying to advise his friend about a parties true intentions in regards to his girlfriend.


MICHAEL, hiss best friend SHAWN and group of guys are standing against wall across the room, hosting drinks. Instead of participating, they're watching everyone else.

Michael notices Shawn girlfriend and her girlfriends enter the party and immediately get swarmed by FRAT GUYS.


Just look at them, vultures. You see how quickly they swarmed them, didn't even give them the chance to take a look around. Seriously Shawn, how can you be so calm? You know last year I had a friend just like you, he also acted like having his girlfriend attend one of these things was no big deal. So I told him the same thing I'm going to tell you.

You know what these parties are really about right?

The frats throw them just so that unsuspecting freshman girls, like your girlfriend over for example, come with naive aspirations of what they think a college party is supposed to be about and the frats supply enough drugs and booze to influence those thoughts for their advantage, and what at first seems like innocent fun and flirtation, eventually spirals into a night involving lots of wild and unprotected sex.

So I asked him, like I'm asking you. "Do you want your girlfriend to have unprotected sex with that guy, or that guy, or possibly both guys and then mosey her way back to your dorm in the early morning full of expected remorse and seduce you into having protected guilt sex with her"? "Cuz that's exactly what's going to happen if you continue to just stand here with us instead of going and doing something to stop it".

Long story short, what I said would happen, happened but he didn't care because he was a virgin and was happy to finally lose his virginity.

Michael stares at Shawn to see his expression. He can see the wheels in Shawn's head turning, eventually Shawn shrugs it off and smiles.

MICHAEL (Cont'd)

Eww really, So you're okay with sloppy seconds or even thirds?

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